So the logical place to start would be at the beginning. On the 1st of January, 2006 I was 19 days, 4 months, and 1 day old. I also recorded my weight at 266 pounds, or 19 stone. I'd tried dieting and exercise a number of times, but it was always for the wrong reasons. However, on the aforementioned day, I decided to lose weight for no other reason than I wanted to.
My father's side of the family has a history of heart failure to the point that no male has lived past 40. I didn't want the same fate. I wanted to live. I chose to live.
After a few months my weight was under control. Soon enough I was down to 180 pounds, or 12.86 stone. At this point I started to relax and feel more comfortable with my life. I had a little tummy still, but I accepted it as a scar of my past.
Now fast forward to the 10th of October, 2007. I'm now in London on a study abroad programme. On this date I began a relationship with a woman who was in my life for the next two years. Over these two years a lot happened and, slowly, I lost control of my weight. At the time of breaking up on the 18th of November, 2009 I weighed 222 pounds, or 15.86 stone. That was a short while ago; it took a great toll on my mood and self-esteem. I'd lost my confidence with women and needed to get that back, as now I'm single.
I let my emotional problems linger for a short while. Then, on the 23rd of November, 2008, I rediscovered my will to live. I refuse to die before I'm 40; the thought that I'd already lived half of my life is terrifying. More than that I learned that my father, whom I'd been separated with since I was seven, passed away in 2003. Of a "massive heart attack."
That won't be me. I won't let it be me. I refuse to let it be me.
So now the realization has come to me again. I've found my will. I've been devoured by it. It consumes me to my core and that's exactly what I need.
To this I thank, in part, 'A.' She doesn't know what she did for me on the 26th of November, 2009, but it amplified my will to be stronger than ever.
Thank you.
Although I'll never let you know how important that day and night was to me. You can't know. In order for you to return to America and to that boy who broke you, I won't allow you to know. My soul may have been touched by yours, and that may mean something, but if your soul felt it too then I won't have to tell you. You know the ball's in your court. Who will you throw it back to? The painful past or the crazy future?
Now I'm already down to 216.4 pounds, or 15.47 stone. I intend to beat my 180 plateau from before and reach my initial 160 goal. And I'll destroy everything that gets in the way of that through my will alone.
Today has been a rather long day. It's actually 1:34 A.M. of the NEXT day at the time of writing. This morning, at about 10:30, I had a banana smoothie. Mmmmm. I had to leave quite quickly to get to University and so didn't have time to make a proper lunch. Instead, I grabbed an apple on the way out. That apple didn't get eaten until about 5:15 P.M., but I wasn't hungry as I was distracted by a beautiful lady friend until then. Then between 8 and 10 P.M. I've had a chicken gougon, two sausage rolls, and 8 Pringles. Hey, it was an after-party. That's doing quite well when faced with a buffet. Though I'm absolutely starving now.. I hate dieting.
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